from behind the stove

Thread

There is a common thread that weaves and winds itself through everything in the universe.  This thread connects everything together from the smallest quirk to all of us to dying stars in some far off galaxy.  The philosophers call it being.  Theologians refer to it as God.  The Chinese name it Tao.  I find myself everyday thinking about this thread and of late I seem to have lost hold of this thread. 

For me the essence of this life is found in the search and journey of life.  But I'm tired at the moment and like a lonely traveler I need to find a rest stop for some sleep.  I need to get my map out put the compass on it and find north again so I can continue on my way.  Over the years I have put the compass on the map many times and have found my direction and kept going but this time it seems different.  This time I am needing to carefully study the map, my surroundings, and make doubly sure I have the compass positioned correctly.  I am nearing my mid-40s and this time I feel a disconnect like I have never have before.  I look backward and see so much I have missed; so many opportunities left behind.  And I am not alone in my regrets.  So many of us have reached this age and looked back to see what has been missed and so many of us realize we may missed the important things.  Where we often go wrong in these times is we rush ahead and buy new cars; find a mistress; immerse ourselves in our work even more; or what ever one does in such times.  I can't do and will not do any of these.  It is in these times we have to slow down and wait.  The thread is still there, it just slipped out of my hand and is waving around in the wind.  I'll catch it again.

Change is the one constant in the universe.  Change is the one thing we can count on above anything else.  Change for the sake of change is not always good, but when taken as a course of life is not a thing to be afraid of.  So I guess the art in life is found in how we deal with change.  I suppose we can fight against it or we can look backward to comfortable times, or we can tenderly feel our way with it as it is taking place while trying to learn a new way. 

But this is the hard part; learning the new way.  Learning to take things we have had for years and years and seeing them in new light.  Letting what we know transform into, not something new, but something different; changed.  And while we are letting these things transform we need to be especially attentive to these changes and and not miss their new nuances; and this is the hard part.  Seeing the new changes is easy, learning to appreciate them for what they are isn't so much so.  The danger is found in not reacting accordingly and instead of allowing the change to be what it will we can derail it and turn it into something negative or destructive.  So like a beautiful piece of art, one I have looked at many times, I am looking once again at this life to see what these changes mean and how I can appreciate them.

Learning to listen

Below is talk I ran into while browsing the TED Talks website that I thought you may enjoy.  It's a little over 30 minutes long but well worth the time.  I'm posting on my blog because what she talks about translates so well to cooking.  I have said so many times that in order to cook well the person doing the cooking must learn to listen to the food and follow its lead.  Evelyn Glennie talks to us about the importance of listening and how we should listen.  Cooking has so much in common with music, especially jazz, that we could learn something from it.  Listen to what she has to say and learn to translate her talk into your cooking.  When you cook, cook.  Don't just follow the recipe, make the recipe sing.

 

 

We have a bet

 In Star Treck IV: The Voyage Home, Capitan Kirk and Spock have the following conversation:

Spock: Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, "double dumb-ass on you" and so forth. 

Kirk: Oh, you mean the profanity? 

Spock: Yes. 

Kirk: Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.

As most of you know, my language is sprinkled with many a colorful metaphor.  Well, tonight Jen and I made a bet.  I don't swear for the next 30 days and she quits smoking.  You see, what little missy doesn't realize is she is dealing with someone who have an amazing amount of will power.  I quit drinking Scotch for cryin'-out-loud, what's a change in language.  Now, the entire restaurant is betting against me, even my wife who normally supports me in everything I do.  That's OK.  I'm a rock.  I'll do this just to show 'em. 

So wish me luck and if you hear me slip at anytime, let's keep it between us, watta ya say?

Ok, I admit it

Towards the end of the 1984 movie Revenge of the Nerds, Gilbert Lowe (played by Anthony Edwards) has to come to terms with the fact that he too is a nerd; up to this point in the film Gilbert has never admitted to being "a nerd" but in this final scene Gilbert gives the speech of his life and comes to terms with who he is.

I have always been in the group of nerds, dweebs, dorks, and general social misfits, but it wasn't until somewhat recently that I have had my own personal "Gilbert Lowe" moment.  I guess as I look back through my life I have always known I am a dork.  I have joked about it but always tongue in cheek; that is until recently. 

It was at Carlos and Mary's wedding reception where I had my epiphany.  I had put out all the food, carved the lamb and pig, made sure everything was ready for their big event after the wedding.  Now normally when I do an event like this I just disappear into the back ground because that's what we (cooks I mean) are supposed to do.  We've done our job and now it it time for the guests to enjoy themselves and they really don't want to interact with us; after all, they paid us for the food, not our company.  At the stage of an event the servers take over.  Not this time.   Not this event.  I got us to the normal take off point but much to my distress I couldn't just disappear.  I had to attend the damn thing also.  In the past when I was drinking this would have much easier on me.  A couple glasses of wine, a shot or four, and off I go.  My alter ego took over.  Someday I'll have to do an entry on this guy but not today.  As a teaser, however, I will let you know he goes by the name of Chef Xavier Goron Vishnick.  Don't ask, I don't know where the name came from but apparently it's the one I give when I hit that point of the evening.  It's no small wonder my dear wife doesn't want me to imbibe in the grape, but I digress.  No, this time I had interact with everyone.  To add to the gravity of the situation, I didn't know most of the people present.  So there I stood, helpless, with no idea what came next or what I should be doing.  People were dancing and have a great time when Jen came over to me and gently suggested, in the way Jen does to me when she thinks I need to do something, that I should ask Theresa (my wife) to dance.  It never even dawned me!!  Really.  My poor wife, she is the most patient, understanding person on the planet.  Ohhh, we dance...  Shit!!  We dance?!  Are you kidding me?!  Theresa loves dancing and there she was out on the floor having a great time dancing with the group that was out there.  But I needed to join her.  Much to my luck, a slow song came on and I was able to dance with her and not look the complete fool.  Even now thinking about it I feel pretty stupid about the whole thing.  I am 42 years old and have not a clue how to act in the company of others

In the kitchen I am completely different.  You see, this is my context.  I know the rules.  I know the etiquette.  I understand the culture.  In the kitchen I am at home and in control.  I am confident.  My movements are graceful.  This is where I thrive.  Take me out of it and the ugly duckling shows up.  I don't know how I feel about all this.  I guess I should take steps to becoming less nerd-like but truth be told, I don't mind.  I have people around me like Theresa and Jen who keep an eye on me when I'm out in the real world and are there to rescue me when I start flailing about.  So yes, I am a nerd.  And like Gilbert, I'm OK with that.

Soup anyone?

Today is the annual AIDS walk here in Traverse City and have been asked to provide some cheese and a soup to the event.  We said 'yes' without even a thought.  So here I sit waiting for the soup to finish cooking eating some cheese, dried figs and bread.  While getting the mis en place ready for the soup (which, by the way, is Lentil, Azuki Bean, Navy Bean with Braising Greens; and completely vegan to boot) I got to thinking about the restaurant and how much we give for charitable events.  All business owners will confirm, business' get a lot of requests for donations to charities; we probably get 2 a week.  While most business owners I know get annoyed at these requests, we welcome them.  It is a rare occasion indeed where we don't give something to someone looking for a donation.  What we give and how much we give is decided on a case by case basis.  If someone where to come in looking for a donation to help save spotted chipmunks chances are they would walk away with a $15 gift certificate but in the case of today we will provide a good amount of food, not to mention time, to help out.

I have written a couple times that I am always on the look out to see where the restaurant fits in in the whole scheme of the betterment of our fellow humankind and as I was thinking about this today I realized we may be seeing the way we, as a restaurant, can pitch in our two cents worth.  We cook, that's what we do best, and so it would seem most natural if we put forth our best efforts...food.  I don't need to be looking for something else because it has been starring me in the face all along.  It's not money, or political influence; we are not going to open centers of research; We will never be invited to the TED talks to speak about our ideas; but what we do have is the ability to cook and it is with that ability we can help make a difference in our world.

I can't help but believe that if we all just gave what we had then the sum of our efforts would greatly out weigh the smallness of our individual effort.  So here I am, making soup to help find a cure for a horrible disease.  Not much when you figure in the vast amounts of money being used in the effort; or the amazing talents of the researchers looking for the cure; or workers, who daily, give of themselves to directly effect those stricken with AIDS.  But our few gallons of soup is what we have to offer and offer it we will.

Today is a good day!!

  I wrote a few months agoabout my good friend leaving for his second tour in Iraq.  Good news!!  This morning I received a message that he has made it home safe and sound!!  Welcome home Senior Master Sargent Steve!!  As I have stated before and I shall state again and I will state over and over again, Senior Master Steve, his wife Keri, and their two children are the bravest people I know.  They are all truly heroes to me.  Thank you for keeping me and the rest of us safe. 

...and the answer is?

Alright, I don't get it.  The question I mean.  "What's your specialty." or "Do you have any specials tonight?" or "What's good on the menu?"  No, really, I do not get the question.  And I am not trying to be difficult here.  I genuinely do not understand what answer the person asking it is looking for.  Now, often times the question is just an ice breaker when someone finds out I'm a chef and for that reason, and usually only for that time, will I try to answer the question with any kind of sincerity.  Otherwise, between you and me, the question really drives me nutty.  I have been asked this countless times over the past 28 years and each and every-time I look at them with this stupid look on my face, or there is  that awkward silence on the phone while I try to figure out what to say.  A!!  No, C!!  No, All of the above!!  I don't know the answer.  I just don't. 

What's my specialty?  I don't know, I'm a cook, so I would say...food(?).  Is this a trick question?  I don't know if they want to know if there is a particular dish we make particularly well and, by implication, everything I cook doesn't match up to whatever my speciality is.  Or is the question, what type of cuisine we cook.  I guess I could say I specialize in Michigan based food products, but I don't think that would be the answer to the question.

The one that really grates my nerves is when someone asks the server, "How is (insert menu item here)?"  What said person is really asking is, "How does it taste?", or "Is this any good?".  I don't know how many times I want to say to that guest, "No, it tastes like shit, I couldn't make it taste any better but decided to put it on the menu anyway for giggles sake.  Again, how does the person who just asked this expect the server to answer?  Does he expect the waiter to lean over, squinch up her nose, and say, "Not so good.  Maybe you should have something else."  I would have a stroke if any of my servers ever said anything remotely close to that.  I'll say this slowly: It's...on...the...menu,...so...it...must...be...good. 

"Do you have any specials tonight?"  This one is usually asked when the person is trying to decide if they want to come in for dinner or not.  Now, my question is this.  Why does it matter if we have any specials tonight?  I mean really, why would a special make any difference in your decision to dine with us or not?  Does the presence of a special mean that that particular dish will be better than the other ones that are on the menu nightly?  !!Dirty restaurant secret alert!!  Usually seeing a special in a restaurant is a great indicator that whatever is in the dish is what the chef wants to get rid of for any number of reasons, but usually because it is getting old and it needs to be pushed out before it is so old it can't be used anymore and the restaurant loses the money it spent buying it.  So, next time you are out and the waiter is pushing some special on you, just remember this.  And because of this I, as a rule, am not a big fan of specials.  If I get something in that I just must use because it is so cool  I will come up with a special and have the servers sell it.  Otherwise, what you see is what we have. 

Someone mentioned to me not long ago that I tend to come across too strong and that perhaps I should tone down my rhetoric, so I hope I haven't offended anyone reading this who may be guilty of asking the above questions.  And if you have asked me and I looked at you like I'm stupid I wasn't trying to be difficult.  I'm usually just trying to figure out what answer you are looking for.

Hsu

The 5th symbol in the ancient I-Ching is Hsu.  Hsu means waiting, but not waiting like we tend to think of it.  When we think of waiting we tend to think if whiling away the hours until the time is up and we get going again.  Other times we may think of it as mere empty hope; but in this context waiting means much more.  Here waiting is an inner certainty of reaching the goal.  The quiet knowledge that if we just keep to the path we are on we will reach the other side.

 This is where I am right now.  All of the pieces are in place and now we wait.  Jen and I have talked about it a few times and we think we are on the the edge of something new and exciting for us.  What it is we don't know but we are expecting that sometime coming up we will see the restaurant take it's next big step.  So we wait; but we wait with an inner strength and a perseverance that comes only from the confidence that we are going the right way.  I know we will know when the moment comes that we must act.  That that moment which we are currently waiting on will make itself known to us.    Richard Wilhelm says it nicely, "It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any sort of self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized." 

Waiting is the hardest thing of all sometimes, especially for someone like me who is ADHD at best.  I always feel like I have to be doing something.  So how do I wait?  I guess I do so by quietly keep doing what I've been doing all along and not to try and hurry things up.  I stay happy and in good cheer.  I keep cooking.  Fate comes when it will, and I will be ready when it does.

Our New Cookbook

Hi all.  The link to the right will take you to the site where you can pre-order our new cookbook scheduled to be released in November.  The cost is $20 and this includes shipping. 

Feel free to buy 1000 or so to give out to everyone you know. 

Sigh...

It's September already...sigh.  Autumn is just around the corner.  Autumn is most melancholy of all the seasons for me.  I've spent years trying to figure out why but still don't know.  I think it has something to do with the way the sun looks in the sky.  Who know?  It's not that I don't like melancholy.  In fact, I love being melancholy.  I do my best work when I'm a little on the depressed side.  I've always felt a kinship to Marvin the Paranoid Android from the book The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy; And to Eeyore, Winnie the Poo's dear friend.  So it goes without saying that I find my annual September funk a bit confusing.  By the time we reach the end of November and the first snowflakes begin to fly I'll be up and running at my normal level of blue and all will be fine.

We, Jen and I, spent the weekend in St. Joseph, MI at the Epicurean Classic and had a very nice time.  The event was the best organized I seen in the four years I've been involved.  This year was the first year we were full fledged presenters.  I must say, however, some of the food I tried from some of the other presenters was mediocre at best.  It just amazes me that some of these people actually had cookbooks published.  But luckily enough there were far more bright spots than not.  Jennifer McLagan, the author of the cookbook, Fat was there and I had the most wonderful time talking with her.  Now here is a cookbook author who know her stuff and her James Beard Cookbook of the Year Award is very much deserved.  I got to meet Jean Joho.  For those who may not recognize the name, Chef Jean Joho is the owner of Everest in Chicago, which at its peak was one of the top restaurants in the world.  All in all a very nice weekend.  I hope to go next year.

The restaurant is plugging along just fine.  I have decided I need to quit being to hard on myself about the food and start enjoying some of the compliments we are receiving.  But in doing so I'm in no way dropping my commitment to high standards.  I just have to give myself a break. 

Summer has been good.  I look forward to a nice winter and a full months off when we close for the month of March.